Of Tantrums and Parents  

Posted by: mye in

"Watch out for my own domain - www.blogappetite.com. Migration is in progress."

The kids and I head out to the mall one day to attend a birthday party. I happened to almost forgot the day and I still haven't bought a gift so we went straight in the department store and checked on some items for babies and toddlers. I don't know what to choose. For a one year old child, I can't think of what to give him. Will it be a toy for him to play or some children's books for her mom to read to him? Well, I opted to buy both. The toy will be Elysia's gift and the book will be Scieszka's gift to Gabriel. He is their cousin anyway.

At the party, there were a number of kids. Knowing my daughters really well, I thought that they will jump in right in the middle of the party area to join the many kids out there who are already starting to play. But I was wrong, at that early in the party they kept clinging on me and they don't want to go down! What is happening? It was an advantage for me at the party because they behaved well. They were quiet on the table and they ate their food. It's as if a miracle has happened to me that day. Well, that was what I thought.

On our way home, we need to pass through the bridge from one side of the mall to the other and just as we got off the escalator, the younger twin, Elysia saw a play room and insisted to get inside. But it was already too late and I still need to work at home that day. In short, I said "No, we'll visit there next time." It was those words that triggered her to cry out very loud and roll over the floor! It was very embarrassing! The people around us started to look at us as if I was the worst mom in the world for letting my child act like that!

A week before that incident happened, I visited a dentist and while waiting for my turn, was able to read an article about children's tantrums. There are a few notes there that really helped me snap out of that commotion and really, it pays to read.

Here are the helpful things I've learned from that magazine:

  1. Parents should not be embarrassed when their child act in public.
  2. Tantrums is a way for a child to express his feelings. It doesn't mean his a bad child.
  3. Parents should not be guilty about the tantrum and should not feel that he was not able to raise his child properly.
  4. Tantrum is not a measurement of a child's attitude. The child is still coping up with those kinds of emotion and as parent, we should help them.
  5. Children throw tantrums for a reason so don't feel frustrated. Identify the cause and act accordingly.

Ways to handle a tantrum:

  1. Be calm, do not get overly frustrated about the situation. Parents should be calm first so they will be able to deal with the situation properly. The worst a parent could do is have a temper over their own child's tantrum. It just shows you, yourself are not in control.
  2. Do not attempt to converse to a child who is in the middle of showing off nor physically deal with him. Let him calm down a little, then start talking. Show empathy to your child's feelings. Say something like "I know you are frustrated for not getting what you want, I understand. We can talk about it at when you are calm".
  3. Do not reward the tantrum. If the child wants something and it's impossible to have, don't give in to what he wants. Giving in is as good as telling the child that he can do the tantrum next time.
  4. Check if there are things that might injure the child during the tantrum and take them away. This is to make sure the child won't get hurt while doing his act.
  5. When the tantrum is over, discuss the matter to your child. It is very important for the child to be aware that such act is not acceptable especially in public. Make the child understand that he can not always have what he wants.

I almost reacted violently hadn't I read this article. When I was in my early stages of motherhood and I see a child throwing a tantrum in public, my reaction would always be that it was the parents' fault. Now, I understand it isn't. For there are things we can't fully understand unless we are that situation. Another lesson learned.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 24, 2009 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


didn't know this....still, i hate those parents leaving their child to their tantrums specially on a public place ( restaurant etc. )

hi there - thanks for visiting. i perfectly understand since i've been in that same situation before.

thanks for sharing your thoughts. ^_^

they said tantrums are normal up to three years of age. when it persists that's the time you might consider getting help. i also heard that the best thing to teach the child if he has aggressive tantrums is to validate his feelings and learn to control his emotions. parents are often seen as role models for this. tnx for sharing! tnx also for visiting my other blogs at fresh scoops and motherthoughts. hope you can drop by often. see you around!

hi shasha - thanks for dropping by. i wonder if it was true but as parents, we should always be ready to learn how to cope up with the different stages our children experience. but it is true that parents are the children's model.

really appreciate your input. ^_^

hello Mye :-) very good info for those whos kids still throws tantrums; am glad my son hardly throws tantrums.

Hello Mye.. Im back here.. good tips for the parents how to handle tantrums..

BTW, actually I added your site to my baby's blog thats why u didnt see ur name on my Ummascorner hahaha.. I checked it bec I remember I added you already.. But I linked you up again to my to my other site as well..

How's your weekend Mye.. when are you getting married?

Hi Mye, thanks for the tag, I posted one a week ago for the same tag, i'll just add you to the links who gave me.

I am happy that children don't act up in public, they do in our house though, that's one good thing..

Don't worry about your PR too much hehehe, i lost the PR 4 on my other blog a week after it was given....

sometimes that way children act is because they have learned it from their parents but not all..

Hi Mye, please check out some websites that pay u to blog on my site... seeyah!

thanks for sharing the information Mye! Very helpful for a parent like me.

Mye, i sent you an email already, check t out now :-)

have a nice day!

Hi Mye, I have 4 kids but I never remember having to deal with their tantrums in public.

The way to a child's heart is to talk with them from baby stage, read books and tell stories and teach them the importance of prayers and requests. If they learn this from early stage, they wont demand from you, instead you will hear them pray for their wishes. I learned that from my mom and I did it to my kids as well.

Communication is a very important key in rearing kids. We are holding weekly meeting during weekends discussing the plans for the following week. I let them participate on what menus to cook, I also discuss and let them understand when they had to tighten their belt to make both ends meet.

Let the children feel they are part of the family by giving them tasks at early stage. Give them access to simple decision making, this will make them responsible and liable to their actions.

Try not to resort to physical punishment, instead give them consequences like limiting their access to TV, internet, games etc... I find this effective for my 4 kids.

BTW, Happy Chinese New year!!

I hope you had a fine and blessed weekend :) Just want you to know that I tagged you with Mel's Prayer tag. It's in my recent post. See ya!


hi everyone - i failed to login to the net yesterday for hubby was using the pc. this morning before going to work, i checked it and i was surprise to see all your comments. thank you very very much.

thank you for visiting and im glad your son doesn't do that in public

thank you for adding me to your blogroll. by the way, i am already married since 2004 ^_^. do i look like im still single? I'm flattered ha. ^_^

i really appreciate you guys for the regular visit here. i was surprised to know you had the same experience as mine about the PR. anyway, i still get some tasks so no need to worry nga hehe...

there are cases that tantrums are due to parents like going to the grocery when the children wants to sleep something like that. but as for me, it's probably the result of my parents' way of giving them everything just so they won't cry. really a difficult task for me ^_^

is this you, rose? hehe...i have checked it already. there are a lot pala. do they accept low PR sites hahah!

i will definitely heed to your advice. i am already starting to do so. thank you for visiting and for tagging me. i will check your tag tonight.

hello! i like your blog and i am giving you the pink heart tag! please read about it in my post and share it too. thanks!

hi shasha - thank you very much. i will sure share it but allow me to post the awards i have recently received yet...i don't want others to think i neglected them but you'll see i will post it here with the link to your blog of course!

thanks very much ^_^

Woah woah, kids are never easy to handle when they throw a tantrum, Chinese have this saying, spare the rod and spoil the child...wonder if this the same to your culture?

Hi Mye,

I also read in a parenting book that when a child throws a fit (is in a tantrum) it is most likely that a child needs your attention.

We may misunderstood that saying NO to buying a toy caused the child's tantrum when in fact the child could just either be hungry, tired and sleep or needs a diaper change.

What I do though is that I pick up the child, let them cry while trying to sooth them. Then I probe "Are you.." "Do you.." "What do you want?" And 90% of the time it works. The 10%, I pass them to their mom :)

@lob eng
thanks for visiting. spare the rod and spoil the child eh...i think it applies to my parents hehe...

actually attention is really one of the main cause why a child throw tantrum...hmm i liked your idea. let me try it ^_^

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